As a parent of two (almost three) children it is no surprise that most of my conversations in any given week involve those precious “all-consuming" kiddos… With that said I wanted to share some inspiration I received in a parenting ‘low’ of the week.
The ‘norm’ around here is for Daddy (TJ) to put the girls to bed at night. (This pattern started when I became pregnant with Adelyn and was tuckered out in the evenings). Since then, this is a treasured time, especially to Savannah, and when I have to play substitute Savannah is, well, underwhelmed. So last Thursday evening I was doing my very best to create a nice and enjoyable bedtime routine, (while keeping order of course….) and by mid-way through Bible Time (of course!) Savannah started playing around and becoming distracting (on purpose). The study topic was the story of Eve (how she is tempted to sin, gives into the temptation, brings Adam into it, then blames it on the snake when God confronts her for her choice). The encouraging lesson was that while God did have to discipline Eve, he still loved her and forgave her… and Eve accepted this punishment and was sorry. I was impressing this point on the girls because all too often, my oldest likes to point blame away from herself and get mad towards Mom & Dad when she has done something wrong. She just HATES to get in trouble! (Who doesn’t?)
More than once I had to ask Savannah (first calmly, then more stern) to stop playing around and finally I sent her to her room. She decided to yell at me and tell me I was wrong, etc etc. I was really trying to keep my cool… I sternly sent her to her room and I could feel myself escalating.
After finishing up with Adelyn I went out of her room and waited a few moments before I entered Savannah’s. After a long day with the kids and virtually no adult interaction - (and a long night without my husband) I tend to be on a short leash. On another night I would’ve probably stormed into Savannah and tried to find some way to get her to realize she was wrong, not Mom, and I would’ve become just as angry as Savannah was - meaning it would take double time to bring us to a place of understanding and we’d be emotionally exhausted.
I was thankful at that moment that I had listened to a sermon recently about the power of the Holy Spirit. The pastor touched on the idea of calling on the power of the Holy Spirit in instances when our children are acting out, and nothing we say, do or plea makes any difference. He reminded us parents that we cannot force the heart to change by threat of punishment or by berating or guilting the little ones. If our goal is for them to realize their error, there has to be a conviction of their heart… we often times push them farther from that with our anger. At that moment I was convicted that I am partly the cause of this in my daughter.
So this time, feeling defeated and disappointed, I said a quick prayer for myself to calm down, to not lose my cool with Savannah regardless of her reaction… and then I prayed that the Holy Spirit would come into her heart and convict her of her disobedience, that she would admit she was wrong and accept her punishment. I know, it’s a little crazy, but I thought, hey I’ll give it a try!
When I walked in, Savannah was hiding under her covers. I was fully prepared to find a defensive, feisty little five year old and but that is not what I discovered…
Me: “Savannah”
Savannah: “I hate it”
Me: “What do you hate”
Savannah: “My heart….. when it’s bad.”
Me: “Oh, Savannah… you mean you hate when you make poor choices?”
Savannah: “Yes…” and she started to well, bawl! A true, broken-hearted, sad hurtful cry. It broke my heart, and yet at the same time it was, well, beautiful. This NEVER happens.. she says she is sorry, and she changes her attitude… but never like this! The Holy Spirit had convicted her and she felt deeply pained by her disobedience - my prayer was answered!
Me: “I know, baby, I know you don’t like to make bad choices… I hate when I make bad choices, too. But you know what? We are all going to mess up sometimes…. and when you admit you’re wrong and apologize, you get to receive God’s and my forgiveness and you’re FREE! It feels SOOO much better once you’re free - instead of feeling so bad that you get angry and then try to act like you did nothing wrong. Doesn’t it feel good when you’re free and forgiven?”
Savannah: “Yes! And Mommy? Only sing TWO songs, ok?”
Me: “Only two? What do you mean?”
Savannah: “I accept my punishment”
Her punishment for playing around was that she wouldn’t get all of her songs sung for her at her bedtime, only three… I had said three (out of five). She insisted two. She accepted her punishment and then some. I proceeded to tell her that God answered my prayer! I told her I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help her accept her punishment and admit she was wrong and she DID! We shared a big hug and she was as smiley and peaceful as she’d be in the morning, at the start of a brand new day.
Now let’s be honest, does every troublesome moment turn into a beautiful teaching opportunity and a lesson well learned? No… because I am not always able to be so cool, calm and collected, and I too often don’t call on the Spirit for help. But it was truly inspiring to ask and receive. Do not under-estimate the power of the Holy Spirit. If you ever wondered what He means when He says He is with us, always, and to call upon Him and He will come, well, I believe this was an example of how He does this!!
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates."
